My Worst Fear as a Mother

Before getting married and being a mom, I had a situation that is still stuck in my memory. I could not get the real mean for what happened until I had my little angel. Being a mother makes you have a completely different look for things. Let me tell you what exactly happened.

I am living in a country full of wars, so it becomes very “normal” to hear and see bombs around you as it is part of our life. when I was a kid, I used to be afraid of such things – like any other kid – but then we were used to these sounds and this life and I am longer afraid. When I was about to start my first year at university, it was the worst war we have ever had since we came to our country. the war lasts for about 21 days, we had no food, no electricity almost no water to use or even to drink. we had to stay at home as we have nowhere to go. all the neighbors lefts their homes and we had to stay alone in the 14-floors building.

The bombs were too close and we could see and hear them before reaching the floor and with every bomb, the whole building shakes.

Yes, I was afraid but not terrified. I was with my whole family, so the worst thing can happen is getting a bomb then we all will be dead. Suddenly I heard a faint sound. It was my mother who kept saying “Oh, merciful God, Please for the sake of my children”. She was trying her best to hide her fear and tears in order not to make us – especially my little brothers – more terrified.

At that time, I knew that my mother was afraid for her children – like any other mom – but today, I could understand and feel this kind of fear. The fear is not of the death itself but the fear of leaving your kid without a mother. How can I be under the ground while my heart is still beating and living above it? How can I leave my little kid is such a scary life? Who will take care of him? Will he find good people with kind hearts.

I could also understand the other side of this fear which is loosing your little kid to be just a lifeless body that lost his soul. a boby that has a part of him under the ground. How could I breathe while he is my breath? How could I laugh while he is my smile?

This is one of the most difficult kinds of fear where some mother suffer from more than the others. I pray for me and all of you to have a happy life your kids and all the ones you love.

Mothers do not fear death itself … They fear what comes after it